Life's Lesser Moments
by EmptyxLlamas
Summary: "Jason had one thought as Piper opened the door while he was still wearing her undergarments: FML." A story in which the Fates torture our favorite demigods and make their lives just a little bit harder.
1. Payback's a Bitch

******Llama #1:** We didn't come up with the FML's. Google FMyLife to find the website. Also, ignore our weird authors notes. Llama #2 insisted they must rhyme. That's pretty much it.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

We love Travis Stoll,

That much is true

But we don't own him

So please don't sue.

* * *

**1:**

**Payback's a Bitch**

**Two Years Ago- Senior Year**

* * *

Travis smirked, he had a prank brewing, and he knew exactly who to inflict it on: A brown haired girl with eyes the colour of grass, otherwise known as Katie Gardner.

Oh this was going to be good. Travis began to rub his hands together with a maniacal grin, chuckling deeply once in a while before realizing it made him look a tad insane; he was also in broad daylight. That wasn't weird at all.

Walking with a slight spring in his step, the prankster stepped into school, heading straight towards a locker he knew oh so well. Tearing a piece of paper out of his binder, he began to write.

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_I suck at rhyming_

_but you're really cute_

_-S.A_

He grinned as he opened her locker and slipped the note onto the shelf; now that was what got the ladies all riled up. He popped his invisible collar and strutted toward class, before realizing that he was at least half an hour late. With a shrug, he wandered around the school. He could endure one, measly detention.

Throughout the day, Travis passed Katie's locker many times, just to catch a glimpse of her reaction. Right before 4th period started, he saw her with a shocked expression and a piece of paper in her hand before crumpling it up and tossing it in the trash can.

Travis still smiled though, because just as she was about to storm off to her next class, he saw a pale blush fading on her face, and the first part of his plan was completed.

Over the next few days, Travis slipped more and more notes into her locker, until the final day and his grand finale: a little message taped onto a very 'special' box of chocolates.

* * *

Katie still wasn't used to having a secret admirer. For the past few days she has been receiving notes with corny love sayings from _"Me without you is like: a sneaker without laces; a geek without braces; asentencewithoutspaces."_ to _"Like a thief you stole my heart"_. She thought they were sweet, but how the hell were they getting in her locker? It wasn't like they had slipped the notes through the sides because they were placed neatly on her shelf. So someone either broke in and placed the lock back after or they snatched her combo when she wasn't looking.

That was hint number one.

Today though, there was more than just a note. There was a box, wrapped neatly in green wrapping paper, which just so happened to be her favourite colour. She bit her lip to hide a grin.

Could it be...? To her delight, when she unwrapped it, it was. It was a good thing that she forgot her lunch that day, because her secret admirer gave her chocolates. While unwrapping it, she discovered that there was a note taped to the bottom.

_"These chocolats are as sweet as you :)"_

Katie frowned at the spelling error, but smiled anyways.

And that, was how Katie missed hint number two.

It was lunch before Katie got to eat them. She ripped the lid off- hey, she was hungry, alright?- and stuffed one in her mouth. It was amazing... She kept shoving them in, one by one until the devil showed up.

Well, not the literal devil, but as close as it got in Katie Gardner's world; Travis Stoll.

"What do _you_ want?" she sneered, glaring at his tall form.

"There's something in your teeth..." Travis said matter-oh-factly.

Katie gasped and started picking at her teeth. "Did I get it?"

Travis starred a minute before replying, as if he was deciding if the 'something' in question was indeed there, "Yup, now I gotta go bye!"

Katie blinked. That was brief, she thought. "Bye? She called out to thin air.

Not trusting the word of her arch nemesis, she pulled out her iPod. What she saw caused her to stare.

And stare.

And stare.

Her teeth did not have something in them. They were _green_. The girl in the reflection turned absolutely livid. Katie stood up so sharply a few heads turned in her direction. They turned back around when they caught the look in her eye; they didn't want to be on the receiving end of her anger, but they waited in anticipation for the metaphorical explosion that was about to happen.

She marched with purpose, and found herself right in front of Travis Stoll's table, right behind Travis himself. His brother, Connor who was in the grade below them stared at her before looking his brother in the eye, silently trying to warn him.

But alas, his brother caught the look too late and Katie already had him by the back of his shirt and pulled him off the table's bench.

"What?" He asked, surprised before he realized what was going on. "Hello Katie, what brings you here? And would you be ever so kind to let go of my shirt?- ACK!"

Katie yanked up, forcing him to stand.

"I'll take that as a no?" He said, a bit upset by how someone half his size managed to take him down. But you know, as they say, _"Hell hath no fury"_...

"Stoll." She seethed. She let his shirt go

"That's me." He confirmed with a cheeky smile. He rubbed his neck. "Thanks."

"Oh," She said with a cruel smile, shaking her head slightly. "Don't thank me."

"Um-" He started but she cut him off.

"Look. At. My. Teeth." She said, pushing his shoulders roughly with each properly enunciated word. "They're green."

"I know," Travis said. "It was a joke."

"I'm not laughing." She said, and pushed him roughly again. A few teachers who were on duty looked their way, but with a smile they turned away. Travis Stoll probably deserved whatever was coming his way.

"I'm sorry?" He tried.

Katie clenched her fists and gritted her green teeth before she spat, "Just you wait Travis Stoll, someday, I _will_ have my revenge." Thankfully the bell rang just then and lunch was over, and so was Travis's chance to ever get a date with Katie Amaryllis Gardner.

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

"PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!" Someone shouted from behind. He could only assume that they had a stun gun pointed directly at him so he raised his hands in defeat with a frown growing on his face.

The police always ruined his fun.

"You're under arrest for breaking and entry." The policeman said, while not-so-gently locking cuffs onto his wrists behind his back.

They went through the normal routine; the police said a whole bunch of things which he pointedly ignored, and they pushed him into their pretty po-po car with sirens wailing and flashing.

It was like they were purposely antagonizing him.

When they arrived at the station they searched him again for ID, which he made a point of leaving at home.

An overweight man in a uniform that was a few sizes too small asked, "You got a name, son?"

"Nope. I'm one of those nameless people." He answered.

The fat man sighed. Why did they always try that? "Well, let's see if you're fingerprints show up in the system, shall we?"

He grinned. He knew his that wouldn't happen because he'd never been caught before.

But, then, his worst nightmare happened.

As soon as he walked in the room and was placed in front of a woman, she started laughing until her face turned a bright shade of red.

Another officer pat her on the back. "Are you okay, Gardner?"

Gardner nodded. "Sorry," she said between dying laughs, "it's just so funny."

"Well, now that you're done laughing, do your job and figure out who this wise-guy is." said the fat police guy as he pushed forward the soon-to-be convict.

"Oh," said Gardner, "I know who he is." She gave a dazzling smile to the convict with his hands behind his back.

Said man frowned. The police were indeed always ruining his fun.

"That's Travis Stoll." she laughed again. "Funny how things turn out, huh Stoll?"

* * *

FML for the chapter:

**Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML**

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**The llamas bid you adieu and request you to review.**

**Because you know you want to - Llama #1**

**Or else the train shall no longer go 'Choo Choo' - Llama #2**

**... Um what? You gone cray cray?- Llama #1**

**Oh no, baby, that's just what they all say... say - Llama #2**


	2. Shameful Acts

**Llama #2: **Oh look, it's the chapter that was featured in our summary. Delightful.

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**Disclaimer:**

We really love Leo,

That's true

But we don't own him

So please don't sue!

* * *

**2:**

**Shameful Acts**

Warning: innuendoes ahead.

* * *

Jason knew inviting Leo to his apartment would be a bad idea, a really really bad idea.

At first, it seemed like a good idea, just two friends hanging out. Nothing bad had happened. Leo hadn't spontaneously combusted, the building hadn't exploded, and best of all, no one had died; when you're a demigod, that sort of thing tends to happen a lot.

They watched some lame horror movie (nothing can compare when your whole life is basically a horror movie,) with some horrible effects, but it's the thought that counts. Reclining on an old couch with a son of Hephaestus who was loudly munching on nachos decorated with an extreme amount of peppers and cheese was way better than fighting a freaking war in his book.

Things started to head south though, when Leo finished most his snack and got bored. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and Jason pretended not to notice her brought the rest of the nachos with him. Jason however did notice that his friend didn't come back.

"Leo?" Jason called. He didn't get a reply.

Could it be possible that a monster had attacked Leo in the bathroom? Possibly, but why would it hide in the bathroom out of all places? Unless it was perverted... In that case, it was a perfect monster match for Leo.

"... Leo?" He called again. He paused the comedy they had put on and got up. "Dude? It's not funny."

He heard a slight snicker as he neared the door that lead to Piper's bedroom. What the Hades would he be doing in there? Now he and Piper didn't share a room, they were just "house buddies" (though they were dating, they weren't ready to share a room yet), but that didn't mean that they liked to cuddle, per se.

He pulled his sword out from the hallway table and headed towards Piper's room with caution. No amount of demigod training and experience could prepare him for what he was about to see.

Leo, the strange, perverted idiot he was had decided to dig through Piper's drawers, but that wasn't what caught Jason's attention. He had a pink lacy on top of his head like a strange hat and the matching underwear through his arm.

"What..." Jason stared at his friend "What are you _doing_?" This was worse than the time he caught Percy and Annabeth in a heated make out session by accident, or when he walked in on his sister changing that one time (since they were related, Artemis didn't smite him. He kind of wished she had).

"Um," Leo tried to think of an excuse. Instead, he struck a strange pose. "Do you like it?"

Jason blinked. At least Leo still had his clothes on, although he was missing a sock. Jason frowned when he noticed that. He better not find it later or oh gods, there would be a price to pay. "I think I'd rather see my girlfriend in it. You know, the girl who actually wears that stuff...?"

"Uh, yeah..." Leo made a funny face. "Piper's like a sister to me, so that mental image didn't help. Thanks for that."

"Would you like to explain why you're wearing that...?" Jason raised a blonde eyebrow.

"I just wanted to see what it was like to wear this stuff."

"So you put the bra on your head."

Leo giggled a bit for some reason. "Well, it didn't really fit, so, I put it on somewhere else." His eyes suddenly lit up. "Maybe it'd fit you!"

"Um, what?"

"Yes!" Leo took the bra off his head and practically jumped Jason. He lifted Jason's right arm then slid it through one of the lacy arm holes.

"I don't really feel comfortable with you doing this..."Jason shifted awkwardly. Leo waved off his comment and had already put his other arm through and twirled him around. With a bit of effort, he got the hooks on.

"There." Leo said, clapping his hands once. He took a step back and frowned. "Now it kind of looks like you have boobs but dude, never, ever, be a girl. It does _not_ look good on you."

"Thanks Leo, because I always wanted to be a girl."

"I'M HOOOMMMEEEEEE!" A female voice rang out through the small apartment.

"Uh-oh." Leo said, wide-eyed.

Jason had to admit, he panicked. He never told Piper Leo would be coming over; Piper didn't even want Leo to know where they lived just incase he decided to randomly visit when they were having 'alone time'.

"The fire escape!" He hissed.

"Jason?" Piper called. "Where are you?"

"Go! Get! Shoo! " Jason frantically tried to usher Leo out the window, before Piper could lay a glimpse on him.

"Jason? It's not funny. I know you're here somewhere." Jason heard Piper open the door to his room.

"Hurry up man!"

"I am, gods, and dude, your bra."

"In here!" Jason called before Piper could get angry. Then to Leo he hissed, "Just go, _quickly_."

"But your-" Leo now was standing outside.

"Why are you in my room?" Piper asked. She was walking down the hallway, slowly creepinh closer.

"I can unhook it myself! Get down, now!" Jason started shutting the window.

"Okay, okay!"

Then the door opened, and Jason cringed. Looks like there wouldn't be time to unhook it after all.

Piper looked confused, yet beautiful at the same time. "What are you _doing_?" She was the second person to ask that on that day.

"Dress up. I got bored."

"Mhmm..." she said. "Why don't I believe that?"

"Um," Jason said.

"Don't lie to me, Jason Grace. The bathroom smells like nachos. I know Repair Boy was here.

"No he wasn't." Jason said. "I just missed him so I made nachos and sat in the bathroom. It was his favourite place, you know."

"Jason, you hate nachos."

"Things change, Piper."

"So you decided to change your attire too?"

"Well, I thought I looked kind of pretty as a girl..."

Piper looked at her struggling boyfriend. "No, trust me, you don't."

"Thanks."

"And the bra totally clashes with your jeans, just to let you know."

"Feeling the love here, Pipes."

"Just promise me you won't wear that to work tomorrow." She shook her head once and shut the door after taking her phone out and snapping a quick picture. "Annabeth will just _love_ this."

* * *

FML For the Chapter:

**Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML.**

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**The llamas bid you adieu and request you to review!**

**Do it, or I'll find you.**

**- Llama #1**

**You little poo. (the llama, not you guys.)**

**- Llama #2**


	3. Bathroom Hygiene

**Llama #2: **Oh look, it's a drabble.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

We love Nico,

That much is true

But we don't own him

So please don't sue!

* * *

**3:**

**Bathroom Hygiene**

* * *

Nico di Angelo, the prestigious son of Hades, was running late. Again. He couldn't help it, he liked to sleep, okay? That is, when nightmares weren't plaguing his nights.

And this was the first time in a long while where skeletons of dead warriors, demon puppies, and a dead sister weren't involved.

He ran a hand through his unruly, greasy black hair before groggily getting up off his bed, if you could call it a bed at that point. It was more of a mattress with detangled sheets laying everywhere. He could remake it later. His feet took a couple of drunken steps forward, and he didn't know exactly where he was going, but he'd make it to the bathroom soon enough.

Of course, his new dorm didn't have a bathroom en suite, so he had to go around the corner and straight for a bit before he could finally go to the bathroom. What a hassle.

He met a couple of other students along the way who understood his intelligible mumbles and immediately steered right away from him, he basically looked like walking death, so it wasn't that hard to figure it out.

For Zeus's sake, he was a demigod who helped save the world! He didn't need this kind of crap right now. Stupid classes. Stupid mortals. Stupid hygiene and all that.

When you're used to living in the wild and the Underworld, that kind of stuff really didn't matter. Nico continued to grumble the whole way to the shower facility.

The bathroom was bigger that the average bathroom, which was good, but it was honestly really, really dirty. Nico was kind of okay with it, but c'mon, they were all old enough to clean up after themselves.

Nico blamed the economy. If that counted as an excuse... It was too early for him to be up, and soon, he'd be blaming global warming for not having breakfast and the presidential election for his lack of sleep.

Nico shook his head, clearing his weird thoughts, and stepped into an empty cubicle, but not before slipping over a stray bar of soap with questionable hairs on it and falling flat on his face into a puddle.

Nico resisted the urge to retch; it wasn't water.

* * *

FML for the chapter:

**Today, I went to the dorm showers to use the facilities. As I was getting in the shower, I slipped and landed face first into a puddle. It wasn't water. FML**

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**The llamas bid you adieu, and request for you to review.**

**Oh yes c: -Llama #1**

**Or else I'll find your address- Llama #2**

**That's my line, and this doesn't rhyme...-Llama #1**

**Oh it will, in due time - Llama #2**


	4. Sleeping Addict

**Llama #2: **Bloopers at the bottom because we can.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

We love Percabeth,

That much is true

But we don't own them,

So please don't sue.

* * *

**4:**

**Sleeping Addict**

* * *

Annabeth had a long hard day at the architecture firm, with people constantly coming up to her and bugging her with things like, "Annabeth, does this look okay?" or, "Annabeth, can you do a coffee run?" and her most favourite, "Annabeth, can you do this for me, I want to get home early tonight."

No, she wanted to yell. I don't want to do your work, I don't want to get you coffee and yes it looks freaking okay. Now, shut up so I can go home.

Just at that particular moment, Jake from two cubicles came over wearing his signature khakis, and he had a blueprint in hand. "Hey, Annabeth-"

"NO!" She all but yelled.

Jake's eyes widened and he looked a bit taken back. "I was just going to ask if you wanted something from Starbucks but okay..."

She put her head in her hands. "Sorry, I've just had people _bugging_ me all day."

"Oh." Jake looked like he finally found the meaning of life. "Don't feel too put out. They do that to all the newbies." That just made Annabeth more frustrated.

"I was just about ready to kill them."

Jake made a face. "Please don't, too much paperwork."

Annabeth chuckled. "I'll try my best." With a smile, Jake was gone, heading back to his cubicle... two cubicles away. Annabeth was tired, that was probably it. She shoved some stray papers back into her bag, deciding that she had done enough for today.

Her apartment was a good ten minute walk away. And then she realized she didn't have her key. But oh well, Percy should be there. Annabeth walked inside the building, giving a little nod at a sleeping Clovis before heading into elevator.

Thankfully, no one had pressed all the buttons; she could enjoy a nice ride up to floor three without having to awkwardly stop at the first two.

_Never gonna give you up_  
_Never gonna let you down_

Why they chose this song for elevator music, Annabeth'll never know. She hit the third floor and walked out, heading straight to apartment number 23. Or was it 32? Either way, it was the door at the end of the hall.

An _open_ door. Oh, how sweet. Percy left the door open for her.

If only that was the case.

Annabeth shoved the door open the rest of the way and was greeted by her apartment. Or rather, what was left of her apartment.

"Oh my gods..." She whispered, her hand flew to her mouth.

Bedroom: empty. Kitchen: empty. Bathroom: empty. They even took the half used bar of soap, which Annabeth found kind of disturbing.

The only thing remaining in the entire apartment was the couch. Which, Percy just so happened to be sleeping on. She leaned up against the wall, head in hands, breathing in deeply. She resisted the urge to strangle her boyfriend.

Silently, she stalked across the empty room. Percy was still sound asleep and totally unaware and unprepared for her rage. She grabbed him by the arm and violently pulled him off the couch.

"Wha?" His hand flew to his pocket before he even had his eyes open. Then he realized who was standing over him, and a goofy smile grew on his face. "Oh hi."

"Don't you _oh hi_ me, Perseus Jackson." The grin suddenly dissipated and turned into a _'ohmygods-what-anniversary-did-I-forget-now?'_ face. "I would normally say you're sleeping on the couch, but since we don't have a bed anymore, you've been downgraded to the floor."

"What? Where did the bed go?" Percy stood up and brushed invisible dust off from his jeans.

Still angry, Annabeth shoved his shoulders. "While you were _sleeping_ someone stole _everything_!" She shrieked.

"Um, oops? Please don't hurt me?"

"You are the worst guard dog ever." Annabeth glared angrily.

"I'm not a dog..."

"It's an expression!" Annabeth shoved him again.

"Maybe we should get a dog?"

"No." Annabeth put a hand on her forehead. "It will probably be just as useless as you."

Percy pouted. "Hurtful."

It was times like this when she actually _missed_ work.

* * *

FML For the Chapter:

**Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML.**

* * *

**Llama #1:** I have to say, this is really fun to write because we use Google Docs to write so both of us can write at the same time, and the two of us, ***coughcouchLlama#2coughcough***, can get pretty strange. There's some pretty weird (stupid) things we write ***coughactuallyit'sjustLlama#2cough*** that we never actually put in here, and here's two of those things:

"Um, oops? Please don't hurt me?" Instead of _"annie bby pls i so srry ily u bby dun hurt me bby dun hurt me no moar."_

"I'm not a dog..." and we took out _"but mrs. o'leary is a doggie. a demon doggie from the deepest and darkest depths of _**hell **_but a doggie nonetheless."_

**Llama #2:** I regret nothing.

**Llama #1:** I'm the funny one, she's the weird one. Just saying.

**Llama #2:** She's telling the truth, actually.

**Llama #1:** *winks dramatically*

**Llama #2:** -rolls eyes _dramatically_-

**Llama #1:** Go away.

**Llama #2:** I love you too.

**Llama #1:** Couch.

**Llama #2:** ASDFGHJKL;' FIND THE FOURTH TIME WE WROTE COUCH AND LAUGH AT US.

**Support llama marriage in your state/country/province. Only you can make a difference in llama relationships worldwide. Please, do it for the children. ****The llamas bid you adieu, and request you to review.**


	5. Pride Officially Deflated

**Disclaimer:**

We love these two,

That much is true,

But we don't own them,

So please don't sue.

* * *

**5:**

**Pride Officially Deflated**

* * *

When he saw his girlfriend carrying a big heavy box, he did the nice boyfriend-ish thing to do, and asked her if she needed any help.

Of course, his girlfriend snorted in his face and continued to carry the box to Camp's basement. When she went back outside to grab another one, he dashed outside and beat her to the delivery truck. He grabbed the biggest box he could see, and walked right past her. She raised an eyebrow.

As soon as he was out of sight, he let out a big breath. The box was a lot heavier than he led on.

Then she was right behind him. "Do you need help?"

"No." He said a little too quickly. He needed to move. It was so heavy. What was in it anyway?

... Was that sweat on his forehead? His arms started aching.

She tilted her head, concerned, which was something she only was with him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Again, too quickly. His arms were practically shaking under the weight.

Her eyes narrowed. She looked funny, with her head cocked to one side and brown eyes squinted. Like she was trying to solve a hard puzzle. He almost laughed. She wouldn't be caught dead solving puzzles.

"Let me carry it." She decided.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes-" Then she ripped the box out of his hands and marched off to the basement, leaving her boyfriend in the dust.

"Hey!" He ran after her, though he was secretly grateful that he no longer had to deal with the box. He didn't think he could have made it down the stairs without tipping over and tumbling all the way down the stairs like a complete fool.

When they reached the bottom, she placed the box on top of a few others then faced him, clapping her hands together to get rid of dust.

"It's okay if you aren't as strong as me, I mean, I've been working out basically since I was ten." She told him, not being sarcastic at all.

"No." He blurted out before he could stop himself. "I'm really strong, it's just... I didn't have much sleep last night and Travis and Connor kept me up, stupid brothers, and I swear I could hear Percy snoring all the way from my cabin-"

Before he could add another excuse, she grabbed his face in her hands and planted a kiss on his lips. She smiled and said, "Shut up." she grabbed his hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

He stared at their holding hands and couldn't help but say, "Wanna arm wrestle?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? I don't mean to brag, well actually I do, but I am a daughter of Ares."

"So?"

"I'll kick your butt so hard you'll going crying back to mama."

"My mom lives in Mexico."

His girlfriend made a face. "Then you can go cry to Chiron. Or better yet, Mr. D."

He scoffed and dragged them towards a table. "You. Me. Arm wrestling. Now." He pulled out a chair for her, because that was the boyfriend-ish thing to do, and sat down in his own. They both clutched each others hands, elbows firmly placed on the table.

Clarisse stared into his eyes. "This is your last chance to back out."

"Never." Chris stared back. "One-two-three." He said it like one word. And then he started to push.

Her hand didn't even budge. She raised an eyebrow, again. He got his whole body into it, pushing on her arm with all his strength.

She just continued to stare mockingly.

"You okay, Chris? It looks like you're struggling."

"I'm fine!" He grunted. He leaned into it more.

It continued for another few moments, Chris struggling, Clarisse not even breaking a sweat, until Chris got desperate. So he raised his other arm, and started pressing with that too.

Nothing.

"Had enough?"

"Course not." he croaked.

Clarisse sighed. Poor, stupid, prideful Chris. She started putting pressure on his arm. He looked confused for a minute before widening his eyes in realization.

She finally stopped toying with him and pressed his hand down to the table. "Sorry, Chris, but it had to be done." She let go and started to walk away, but then she felt something clamp onto her hand.

"Rematch." He needed some sort of his pride back, right?**  
**

* * *

FML For the Chapter:

**Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML.**

* * *

The llamas were in an intense conversation about kid's shows, most importantly _Teen Titans_, while they were writing this chapter. Llama #1 wishes she could turn into a dino. Llama #2 does _not_ wish that because then she would be married to a _llama-dino_, and not just a llama.

**Llama #1:** WHY ISN'T EMO GIRL WEARING PANTS?! WHY ISN'T ROBIN WITH BATMAN, SERIOUSLY?! WHY IF HE TURNED INTO A CROW OR SOMETHING WAS HE MAKING HAWK SOUNDS. WHY? WHHYYYY?!

**Llama #2:** Because they can, Llama #1. They can.

**Llama #1:** Why are we having a debate about kids shows...?

**Llama #2:** BECAUSE WE CAN OKAY #THUGLYF

**Llama #1:** okay... I need to find a mental ward, not for you at all, be right back...

**Llama #2:** .-.

**The llamas bid you adieu and _remind_ you to review.**


	6. Stranger Danger

**Llama #2: **Fine day... Sunday.

* * *

**Disclaimer:  
**

Frank is awkward,

That much is true,

But we don't own him,

So please don't sue.

* * *

**6:**

**Stranger Danger**

* * *

Frank was just getting some milk. That's all. Then he was molested by some strange old man. It could have been some god in disguise, or it could have just been a really pedo-ish man. Either way, he was probably going to have nightmares.

He was minding his own business, you know? He went to the nearest store, got some Homo milk, and headed back home. Left foot in front of the right, he walked along a trail, avoiding certain indentations and rocks so his clumsiness wouldn't cause him to trip and fall.

A couple more minutes and he'd be back in his snug little cottage with Hazel. But he felt his back tingle and he shuddered. Someone was watching him. Years of being a demigod had prepared him for this, but to his surprised he wasn't being stalked by a monster, rather an old man.

He was wearing a grey fedora with a thick black band around it. He was wearing the classic beige Khakis and old man sweater with a plaid shirt tucked in. Frank hated to admit that he looked pretty spiffy.

Hazel was rubbing off on him.

He gave the man a short glance and walked away, pretending that he didn't see anything out of the ordinary or that in no way, no how was that a monster disguised as an old man who's going to kill him.

Frank had a reason to be paranoid, okay? When your whole life basically depended on a freaking _stick_, it was okay to be paranoid.

When the old man caught up to him again, Frank really wished he had a super cool pen-sword right about then. He figured it would be strange if there was a giant elephant walking around , trying to tackle/crush an elderly man.

He'd prefer not waking up in a zoo then trying to explain himself. And he definitely does _not_ want to call Hazel up and tell her to pick him up at the zoo out of all places. He didn't want Hazel to pick him up _period_. She wasn't that good of a driver...

The old man got a little bit to close again. This time, he spoke. "Excuse me, do you know where Maple Street is?"

Frank looked around like he was trying to find it himself. "Uh," he said, "you go straight then turn at the traffic lights, then turn right again. It should be on your left."

"Thank you," the old man said. He did something Frank wouldn't have expected. He grabbed Frank's hand then stroked his face like he was petting a kitten. "Thank you..."

And then his hand left his face and moved to his shoulder, he shoved Frank with all his little old man strength. Frank fell. He landed face first in the bush, and he looked up in time to see the old man hobble off, most likely in the direction of Maple Street.

What the heck just happened?

Frank shook his head and sighed. Of course, thing like this would only happen to him. Hey, at least he didn't steal his wallet or something, right? Frank got out of the bush, brushing off stray leaves and bugs off of his shirt. He saw a piece of paper on the ground.

_Thanks for the milk, I really needed it._

* * *

FML For the Chapter:

**Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML**

* * *

**Llama #2:** Beware of old people you guys. And big white vans.

**Llama #1:** And drug dealers who sing randomly on the road at night... CURSE YOU MICHEAL THE DRUG DEALER!

**Llama #2:** wat.

**The llamas bid you adieu and remind you to review.**


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